By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I haven't been this sober since birth.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
