3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
