I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
