I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
