Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
