Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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