EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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