i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
