I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
