I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
