I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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