eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we're so committed to being not committed
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