It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
