we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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