There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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