Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
