there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
