I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
