we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize