Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
we should paint friendship bongs
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