I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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