Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
did i just pee glitter
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
