I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
