he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
