i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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