oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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