I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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