Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
