SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
