you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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