Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
