Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Vodka?
Forever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
