he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
