My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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