Whod you bang
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
