ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
