you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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