He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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