i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
