My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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