You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
