is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
