Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
