Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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