I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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