i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
