I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
