when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
