i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
