May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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