You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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