I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hippo gnu deer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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