Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
