i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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