The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
