After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
