I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
