she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
