i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Randomize
