I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So much Jack, so little girl.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
