Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
