You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
