once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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