I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
