So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
