I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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