there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
