1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
