She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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