If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize