How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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