Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Found your dick twin last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
