i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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