Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
