i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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