she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
