I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
