Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
