idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
